A long time ago someone told me a story. I do not remember who; or when. I only know that it has stuck with me – and proven helpful in my own life, as well as provided perspective for those God has called me to minister to. It goes like this:

A woman discovers her husband is having an affair with a younger woman. He has no remorse and plans to divorce her. He will be taking the house, the money, the cars, everything.

Before leaving the house, she buys, prepares and peels a few pounds of shrimp. She then proceeds to put the shells of the shrimp into the curtain rods; and leaves.

Her husband brings home his new wife. After a few weeks, things get smelly. They can’t find the source of the smell or figure out why it smells. They decide to move – packing up everything, including the curtain rods – and heading to a new place.

The new place begins to smell. They can’t find the source of the smell or figure out why it smells. They decide to move – packing up everything, including the curtain rods – and heading to a new place.

The new place begins to smell. They can’t find the source of the smell or figure out why it smells. They decide to move – packing up everything, including the curtain rods – and heading to a new place.

You see where this is going. While we can argue technicalities (which I feel the need to clarify because I live with children!), the moral of the story is that this problem is going to follow them forever. Because they’re taking it with them. How long will it take them to figure this out? Who knows.

The punchline around here has become: “Are there shrimp in your curtain rods?”

If one of my girls is unhappy no matter which room in the house is her room, then, there is something in her curtain rods, and we need to find it (expose it), name it (remove its power), and deal with it (bring healing).

If one of my girls is arguing, and has a problem, with every other person in the house – there’s something smelling in her curtain rods, and we need to find it (expose it), name it (remove its power), and deal with it (bring healing).

If a friend of mine can’t find any guy worth dating – there is something smelly in her life that attracts the wrong kind of man. We need to find it (expose it), name it (remove its power), and deal with it (bring healing).

You see where this is going. The moral of the story is that if the same problem shows up every time you try to run from it – chances are you’re bringing it with you. How long will it take you to figure that out – expose it, name it (anything you can name, you can manage) and work through it – no one can say. But it is possible.

Healing (exposing, naming and working through) does not change what has happened to us – only what we learn from it. If I show myself vulnerable to an unhealthy group of people I learn that I should never be vulnerable. To keep my true thoughts and self and desires and concerns and needs hidden. What I should have learned is that WHO I am vulnerable with matters.

Is it time to empty your “curtain rods”? What is it that you need in order to do so? Find someone, or several someone’s, who have done what you need to do – who have had similar experiences and come out the other side – and learn from them. For example, if you struggle to look ahead and instead keep focusing on the past, find someone who has learned how to change their mindset and perspective, and learn from them.

And while you’re at it – find someone who needs something you have and include them in your life. Teach, learn; learn and teach – we grow as we connect with those who know things we do not and we can heal by teaching others just as much as anything else. People begin to heal the moment they feel heard. Can you listen? Just sit and be and acknowledge their pain rather than try to do and change and fix them? Then you can help.

Proverbs 3:27, 28 says- Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow’—when you now have it with you.

What can you control? Make the necessary changes. What can you do? Do that.

And when all that you can do, has already been done – find rest in the arms of God.

Here’s some advice on how to get started:
Ephesians 6:13, 14a: Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist . . . .